Don't Fit In, Stand Out!

This was a theme recently when I described my role as a Mom. Looking back, I always did motherhood my own way. I did not try and fit in (and compare myself to other moms), I stood out and did me (which was a self proclaimed combination of Lucille Ball and Martha Stewart), but it was me.

It is not just motherhood, I do this in life,

I do this in work, in relationships, and in the communities I am part of. The younger Pam would have tried to fit in. But years ago, I learned that was just not me (even thou I looked the profile). I actually don’t fit in with the “group" because I don’t like the mentality, some of the behavior, and the copy cat, surface level conversation, and to me it is so JV (I subscribed to this when I was younger). So “who’s who” and “who you know” are not a thing for me, because of my values. And that is what I have realized it comes down too.

I don’t value prestige (even thou it’s fun to see a celeb or successful person). I don’t value “group think”, when women are together and are trying to keep up with each other (and how they dress, and what they do, and how they spend their time). I find it exhausting and so unattractive (again, it is so JV).

What can happen in these situations is that things can get competitive and/or they can be surface level (lacking depth & authenticity). Most importantly, while some are nice, the behavior can be ugly, catty, or immature. This is not high school anymore ladies! It is time to grow up, not group up,

Varsity looks completely different.

Varsity is heart centered, collaborative, positive, and supportive. Don’t get me wrong…there are many circles and groups that are powerful women coming together and are positive, dynamic, and building each other up and those around them. These are the tribes, groups, and circles you want to be in. However, when you observe negativity, gossip, competition, group mentality etc., this is not your place!

Don’t be like the crowd, darling!

Step up and out and stand in your strength. We need to demand better as women and we need to demand better for and of ourselves. This topic has been unleashed in me in a way that is even bigger than standing out. It is stepping up, speaking up, and owning our power and worth no matter what! You have a spirit, you have a voice and you have a light that shines bright. Don’t ever let anyone try and dim your light. When they do, that has nothing to do with you, that is on them.

Every single one of us deserves better.

Every single one of us has a voice. What ever is stirring inside of you, let your higher self lead you to standing up for yourself and others. I believe so much in this. I have written about it for over a decade. Not only do we need to align ourselves with the people who get us (like minded, positive, empowering), but also we need to be the encourager and believer of others.

Our words have such power. As women, we need to make sure we are using them to ignite the best in ourselves and in others. Collaboration over competition, empathy over ego, joy over jealousy, caring over catty, and love over labels. This is what we are talking about.

So while I process a lot, uncover a ton, and stand stronger than before (I am guided by God, this is bigger than me).

I am speaking up not only for me, but for every girl or woman that needs to believe in herself and know her worth. This spiritual throw down is not just that. It is an awakening, a Giant within. The Giant within is your worth. We all have been recognized and appreciated. Yet, at times, we have been dismissed and silenced (we gave our power away).

We need to take our power back, take our voice back, and stand up (even if we need to stand alone). When we do this, the universe will conspire. Your spirit is stronger and your worth is greater. Do not let the opinions or behaviors of others bring you down, rise up, and know you are enough. in fact, you are more than enough. Also, discern who you model and who you look to as a Mentor on how to thrive authentically.

At the core of this all are our core values.

Obviously, we all have different values. What helps me feel strong and confident is the clarity I have on my values. I am very clear about what is important to me and what I admire in others. Aligning myself with people and places that are in line with my values.

I value authenticity. I love people who are the real deal, who are down to earth, open minded, own who they are, and they don’t hustle for relationships or social connections. They thrive in their own vibe. They are confident in their own skin, and they appreciate people for who they are, not what they do or where they come from.

Character is EVERYTHING to me when it comes to people.

Integrity is right up there, especially for leaders and professionals. A key attribute to the people I surround myself with (or even expose myself to) is not only positivity, but also kindness. There is nothing more beautiful, powerful, and attractive than a positive, kind, caring woman. In the face of adversity or challenges, grace and quiet strength are her weapons and inner strength.

You have a light inside of you.

It is your dharma, your spirit, and your reminder that you matter. You are important, and you belong. God’s purpose for me is to inspire women to rise up, know they are worthy, and to let our light shine. We need to do this for ourselves and each other. So not only do we need to work on ourselves (we can do better), we also need to inspire this in others.

Surround yourself with the light seekers, the positive spirits, the kind souls that want the best for you and will stand up for you and encourage you. And you do the same for them. Don’t you dare let anyone dull your spirit or dim your light. Shine bright and stand up, because you were not born to fit in,. You were born to stand out!

The picture for this post includes my book ends.

it is my mother and my daughter. My mother was instrumental in demonstrating kindness, positive spirit, and how a woman stands out in the world. It is not power. It is not cut throat. But it is about grace, heart, kindness, and love. A gift she gave me is her example. I have taught that to my daughter, who I must say is an amazing woman that is the real deal, caring, kind, spirited and the kind of girl you want your daughter to be around. As women, we need to rise up to the occasion, and even if our Moms were not that way, we need to be that way, and teach it to the next generation. Nice Girls are in fact the Prettiest!