The Love of Our Lives

Losing a loved one is never easy, and grief is something I know well as it came into my life sooner than I was ready.

My Dad left this earth too young, too soon, and it is a pain that resides within me that is still healing. A few years after the sudden loss of my Dad, a new man would enter my life, and he would bring with him a family that I would become part of and fall in love with. Charlie’s Dad (and his Mom) entered my life almost 30 years ago, and I am better because of them. While we are sad (and yes, I have been weepy all week), this is a celebration of his life, a long, beautiful life—we are so grateful for all the years, and all the wonderful memories.

As I watch my husband and his sister grieve this loss, I know the hurt and pain and I feel it inside as well. Seeing my children lose their Bumpa is hard, it is the end of an era, a person and time in their lives they will always cherish, in their world, “Bumpa” means Happy. They are blessed with such love, incredible memories and a grandfather that would become iconic to many, and also a Bumpa to all, as many kids looked to him in that role. In the family, I am trying to be the strong one, the supportive one, there for my husband who is incredibly close to his Dad, and there for my children who are incredibly close to their Bumpa. It is here that I come to process, to write, to reflect and to feel the feels that are simply love, the love I have for him, the love I have for the years of “The Bumpa’s” and how he and Peg influenced my life, and how they became my family.

I will never forget learning about his parents and then meeting them for the first time. I wasted time and energy before hand thinking “will I be enough: smart enough, mature enough, sophisticated enough, essentially good enough?"

From the moment I met them, they embraced me, and welcomed me into the family with love and open arms. The vast difference between our families, with the Guyer’s it was candlelight dinners, fancy dinnerware, great conversation and a lot of laughter. A Mellor gathering was full of the same love, but it was large, loud and full of kids and young adults—it was social, family centered and full of laughter--we had the best of both worlds. I was always seated next to Bumpa at family dinners, he was so kind, so loving, so attentive and he and Peg made me feel special, we would in fact become an integral part of each others lives.

Bob could not take the place of my Dad and we both knew that and unspokenly respected this. He did become a hybrid of both father and grandfather to me, when he became Bumpa, it gave birth to a new chapter in his life. While he always shared how much I brought to the family, it was their love in return that I will always remember and hold close to my heart. They were so involved in our lives, and we loved the friendship, the support, the gatherings and the laughter and conversations throughout the years. Living close by, they were there for everything, kid’s sports & dance, school activities, and there to support and help in every way—the best of both friendship and family. Holidays became the opportunity to host them, and take care of them as they spent their lives taking care of all of us. Of course, in the later years we were finally able to really take care of them and that is the wonder and grace of the circle of life.

It feels like the end of an era, but I can’t help but think it is a continuation of love, legacy and the memories that connect each generation. Being part of the Bumpa stage of life has been nothing but a gift and seeing these amazing people in their element as grandparents—the kids were so blessed as were we. So while I stand by my husband in his grief, and my children as they miss their Bumpa, I also have this piece of my heart that will always be with the Bumpa’s. For they have been and will forever be dear to my heart!

We celebrated so many things about Bob (Bumpa) this past week, and we were so amazed and then not surprised by the common theme: nicest man, kind/friendly/special, humble, always of service and helping others. He was truly a remarkable man in so many ways, that of which, not many people knew about…

This loss is big for our family and those that loved Bumpa, he was such a big part of our lives. I keep reminding myself and our family that he had a long and wonderful life, 88 years and blessed with a beautiful life, so while we miss him, we celebrate him even more. They (Gramma & Bumpa) were so dedicated to us, supporting us as a young family, helping us with the kids and that miracle of grandparents and their grandkids was felt in our home and in our many visits to “Bumpa’s”. In later years, we would take care of them, our lives changed 7 years ago when Gramma got sick, and Charlie was there almost every night for his parents—Bob would often say he knew the sacrifice we were making, I recall always thanking them for help and knew we would be there for them someday. It was time to take care of them, and we did so in the best way we would, while I held down the fort at home and cooked for Bumpa, Charlie and he had companionship, and a friendship that flourished even more.

They will be part of our family, our memories, our conversations and our traditions—that is love and that never leaves us, it is here to stay. While they loved their two children beyond anything, it was their 5 grandchildren that would become their pride & joy these past two decades.

Every time I saw him he would say “Oh Pamela, I love you—do you know how much I love you". I would respond, I love you too Bumpa—we were both so blessed and we knew the gift we were to each other, it was beautiful, genuine and something I will forever cherish.

This is the circle of life, it is part of what we all experience. Charlie and I were so blessed with being close to our parents, and our in laws, love truly was the foundation of it all. We have learned from the best, so as we heal, and as we figure out our life moving forward, we take that love with us, and we focus on the love, which is far greater than the loss. We love you Bumpa, you are and always will be the nicest man I have ever known. XO