The Loss of my Mother

The Loss of my Mother

I can't believe we had to let go, we will no longer be holding hands, the hand that held me the first day I was born, that held me as an infant, baby, toddler, child, teen, young woman, mom….   I don't want to let go, I want to hold on forever, while I can't hold your hand, I will hold you in my heart forever.  My heart aches.  I feel sick.  I want to cry.  I want to scream.  I want to get mad at God.  I think I am mad at God.  It is not fair.  Cancer Sucks.  Why her?  Why my family?  I am so sad.  I can't picture life without her.  She was nice to everyone.  She was so kind.  She was the best mom.  She was not a bitch.  She deserves better.  I miss her so much.  I can't believe this.  It seems unreal.

My feelings are raw.  I feel numb.  I want to be numb.  I also know that I need to balance this sadness and awful heavy hearted-feeling with some hope, peace, and gratitude.  I am grateful she did not suffer long.  As Mom would say and did say, it could be worse.  I am glad she lived until she was 76--I am glad she is with my dad.  I am thankful for having such an incredible mom.  I am grateful for eternal life and that her spirit is with me.  I am grateful she is at peace.  I am grateful she is with God.  I am grateful she is soaring with Dad.  I am grateful for my family.  I am grateful for a mother's love--it is so strong it lives on forever.

I will hold you in my heart forever Mom.  You are the most precious, kind, and beautiful woman in my life.  My greatest teacher is you.  I love you.