Just over a year ago, I made a very bold move, something most leaders in my industry don't do.

I am in direct sales, and started with a company 14 years ago so that I could stay home with my babies and create an income and blend motherhood with business--and feed my desire to create more balance in my role as mom.  I loved this company and the decision to do this was a great one as I grew as a mom, wife, leader, and spiritual being.  I also created incredible success and coached many others to create success from home--I loved casting vision, encouraging others to dream, to find their passion, to establish best practices around working from home.  The income changed our lives, not only did I surpass my husband's income, I ended up making more in one month than many people make in a year.  I was introduced to a woman that changed my life.  She taught me how to be, do, and have more.  She taught me that anything is possible when you believe.  Her name is Rita Davenport.  I followed Rita for years, being guided by her wisdom and experience, and being moved by her heart & humor.   Eight years in we hit some serious turbulence as a company.  This was a hard time and it forced me to look at my life and myself and not just this company and brand.  This time of self discovery allowed me to explore my life and also feed the areas of my life that needed more attention.  I needed to take better care of myself, take off weight that I had put on while building my business.   While I kicked ass in business and also family life, I put off my own health goals and put myself last.  I had a strong desire to get back to the petite body God gave me and feel fit, strong, and healthy.   Rather than walk into my home office in the morning, I stepped into a yoga studio and that changed my life.  Through my yoga practice I began to honor mind, body, and soul, and I went inside for answers rather than to leaders or experts or what others were doing.  I peeled off the layers of what others said I should be, and I began to find my voice which so badly wanted to be my authentic self.  So, I put a stake in the ground and knew I was suppose to do, be and have so much more in addition to being a top leader in direct sales.  I looked at my mentor Rita and the tremendous impact she has made on every leader and person in my company, and I thought what a tragedy that the world did not get to know her as a leader.  She was held in one company and truly not shared with the world.   My inner voice told me that I needed to expand the walls of my company and build my brand.  Through all of this, I created a lifestyle brand, what you all know as Living HIPP and also wrote the book, which created a platform to help others achieve many of the things we teach in the industry of direct sales.  I saw a need that others needed this guidance too.
While the company stabilized out of the turbulence and grew, Rita had moved on to semi-retirement--when she left, I no longer felt a connection to leadership at the company.  All the while a new company had emerged, Beautycounter, and I loved the branding and style and was impressed with how relevant, hip and chic they were.  I had no interest in joining them, who in their right mind would leave a six figure income and an extremely flexible schedule working such limited hours each week--it would be crazy to walk away from.    I watched this company and saw people succeeding and began to study (stalk) it's leader and CEO.  I was so impressed and I began to follow her more than leaders in my own company.   I was disenchanted about a few things in my prior company but overall loved the company and most of the people.

I finally had reached out to a friend that worked at Beautycounter to ask what all the growth and success was about.  Months later, I met the CEO under the expectation it was just a "get to know you" meeting, I had made it clear I was not interested.  After meeting her, I knew I had to be in business somehow with her--but I could not get myself to leave, I had tremendous fear, and leaving my team and income were the biggest concerns holding me back.    I tried to talk myself out of it. I tried to make myself believe I was with a better company but the truth inside and my desire to partner with authentic leaders spoke louder to me.  I flew to the corporate headquarters to take another look and decide was this for me and why am I continuously drawn to it.  After being with the executive team, I knew I needed to make this bold move, and I finally had my husbands support.  I signed on a few weeks later and properly left my company and many people I loved and adored.   It was really hard, but that bold move felt so good because I was being true to myself and partnering with a brand that I feel more in line with today. I knew with the growth opportunity and pay plan, I could help so many more, and one year later I have done just that.  My team is thriving.  It was hard, lies were said about me, and I lost some friends (and let go of a business I worked really hard on).  The good news is, I feel free.   I feel more authentic and able to be Pam Guyer, and oh, I happen to also be a leader in the direct retail industry.   The work we are doing as a company is so important, and I love the fact that my leadership is appreciated and needed here, and I can lead while I continue to create my vision, dreams, and goals.   Authenticity is so important and truly following my heart and not the crowd has opened doors for so many.  One year later, I have surpassed the income I walked away from but more importantly, my team members are thriving and earning incomes that are changing their lives as well.

So, what bold moves do you need to make in your life?  If it makes you feel sick to your stomach, that is probably good.  Any world class leader will tell you that you need to let go of something good to make room for something great.  Does that mean leave the business you are in, no. Especially in direct sales, you need to stay the course (good days and bad days).  However, you do need to turn down the noise outside, and tune into your heart.  It knows your truth, it knows the way, and you just need to be silent, listen, and lead the way. 

This summer I turn 50, how on God's earth can I be turning 50?  

I feel 29.  I look at life like I have years and years ahead of me, it is crazy to think I will be 50.  My spirit is so young, feisty, full and is embracing this birthday with abandon.  I am going to be 50 and I am going to own being 50, even though I really can't believe it, don't feel it, and feel so young, HIPP & vibrant (most days).  To me, this is not about growing old, it is about growing wiser.  

It is about being empowered to embrace my life, my story, my time and standing in that power and owning it.  It also is about being an example.  I am living midlife, and I sure as hell am not done, for I am only beginning.  I believe my best days are ahead of me, and my purpose will be realized and shared in the decade ahead.  

I worked my butt off through my 20's, working hard and playing hard, working my way out of debt, working up the corporate ladder, saving enough money for a sizable down payment for our first home, and leaving the scene of boys, relationships gone bad, and the challenges that single women face.  In my 30's I get married, finally earn my Master's and begin a family.  Three babies in three years and a launch of a business in direct sales--it was a blur to some degree.  

In my 30's, I continued my pattern of work hard, play hard, but now with the emphasis on family. This decade took me out of balance and caring.  While I cared for my family, home, business, and team, I did not take care of me.   Due to the weight of trying to do it all, and be there in business and for my family, I soothed with food, and at the most successful time in my business, I was at my highest weight, and not feeling great about myself.  In my 40's, I took my life back.  Finally taking time for me, I realized my "all or none" approach was taking its toll on me.  I slowly began to exercise more, pay attention more to what I was eating and also how I was thinking.  

At 44, I discovered yoga and that changed everything for me.  For the first time in my life I made my self-care a priority in my life.  Yoga became my daily practice, and I became more mindful in every area of my life.  The layers began to peel off, leading me to self-discovery like never before.

I began to heal old wounds, accept the vulnerable parts of me, look at my relationship with food & alcohol and how I used them to take the edge off and numb my feelings.   Yoga became my drug of choice and it opened my heart to living authentically, following my heart and not the path of others.  

I would love to say that I am in the best place of my life, but I would be lying.   While the past six years of living yoga, and mindfully, this past year has had it's challenges with an injury and also most recently the illnesses of my mom and mother-in-law.  It has thrown me off course, and I am simply trying to practice grace as my heart hurts and as my anxiety is heightened.  Some days I rise, and other days I crumble.  But every day I move forward.  I do, however, look forward to the next decade, to my 50's, as I want to shine and live life full out.  I have decided to come up with a list of 50 at 50.  These are 50 things I would like to achieve in my 50's (notice it is not 50 by 50 because that would just stress me out and not be reasonable).  Some are big goals, others are the simple things and/or just ways of being.  

50 at 50's list:

1.  Best shape of my life

2.  Family trip to Italy

3.  Write & publish 2+ more books

4.  Gratitude journal 365 days

5.  365 days alcohol free

6.  Drink more water

7.  Meet Oprah, be under the trees in Santa Barbara with her

8.  Create non profit 

9.  Launch & sell national lifestyle brand 

10. Yoga Certification 

11. Host TV/Web show

12. Speak at MA women's conference 

13. Attend a retreat each quarter

14. Host two retreats a year

15. Advocate on behalf of Beautycounter in DC

16. Influence Culture at BC, partner with field and home office

17. Solid meditation practice

18. Daily walks with the dogs

19. Family dinners, time for family 

20. Daily video on inspiration & motivation

21. Impact on bullying, co-produce song that includes many artists

22. Beach or ocean every day

23. Purchase a beach/ocean front property

24. Purchase a new boat for Charlie

25. Customize every closet

26. Renovate kitchen

27. Hire a personal chef for a few meals each week

28. Fashion makeover

29. Speak at colleges (women self-care and empowerment)

30. Weekly date night 

31. Visit my girls in South Africa

32. Speak at Oprah's school in SA

33. Family trip to DC

34. Family trip to Grand Canyon & West Coast

35. Family trip to Ireland, England, & Germany

36. Sail BVI with family

37. Canyon Ranch (me)

38. Kripalu 2+ times a year

39. Pearl in Laguna 

40. Blog & Vlog Exposure

41. NYC with Kaili

42. Treat sisters to spa weekend

43. Pamper five women each month

44. Run a half marathon

45. Family hikes 

46. Speak on Oprah's stage

47. Learn, spending mornings in discovery mode

48. Create a tea ritual

49. Multiple brand ambassador 

50. Practice love every single day

Now it's your turn.  

What number is your next birthday number, and what are the things you want to do at that age or that decade.  Write your list and let it inspire you as you cast a vision for your life, how you want to be, what you want to do, and what you want to have.  You are the author of your beautiful story and it is still unwritten!  XO

When I was a little girl, I loved all things girl.  I loved holidays, dresses, the way my mom curled my hair--I loved wearing my jewelry & accessories.  

I especially loved when I was dressed in matching outfits with my big sisters. I am certain they didn't like that, but I sure did.  

Being the girly girl that I was, I loved to dance, to twirl around, and I so badly wanted to be a dancer (second of course to singing on stage).  

With five kids, and my dad not able to work because of his heart condition, taking dance lessons or being in a dance program was just not an option for us financially.   I remember my babysitter was a dancer.  I loved seeing her in her costumes and I thought when I got bigger, maybe I would do the same.  My next door neighbor, closer in age to me was also a dancer.   It was such a treat when she would take all of her costumes to my house, and we would dress up in my back yard.  I loved the costumes, the shimmer, the bright colors, and I got to pretend to be a dancer, and twirl, and leap, and shine in my costume.  It was a moment to dream and let my heart dance with possibility.  It was a chance to believe what was possible.

While I never was a dancer, it is amazing how what we visualize and dream about can happen even years later and as we expected.  My daughter is a dancer, and while I love seeing this, it is her passion for dance that makes my heart dance today.  From the time she was 3, she twirled and swirled.  It was not until she was in second grade, that we saw how much she loved dance.  At her dance recital, she lit up the stage which lit up my heart.  A year later she would make the competitive dance team at her dance studio.  It is a big commitment both financially and time.  Fortunately, we were able to do this, and have been able to offer her this without challenge.  My daughter has no idea.  To her, it is normal to just sign up, take dance, wear costumes, go on trips for dance, and to participate in every way.  I love that she can do this, and it fills my heart that it is an option for her.   On occasion, I do remind Kaili that it is a privilege and that not every girl can afford to take dance lessons or be on a dance team.  I share my story with her, how I so badly wanted to, and living in a big family on a very small income, it was not an option.   While she has most everything she wants, she values it, and shows her appreciation.    We have talked about the possibility of Kaili volunteering her time at a preschool for financially challenged kids, she will teach dance.  

As parents, it is our dream to see our kids have more opportunities than we did.  We always want to do better, yet see the solid values continue on in each generation.  While I did not have my moment as a dancer, in some ways I did.  The little girl in the borrowed costume had no idea that she would create a life that would provide opportunities for her girl, and that her girl would embrace lessons from her mom on appreciating the opportunity to dance and have the resources and support in doing so.   I hope you dance.  In your backyard, in your kitchen, at your studio or on stage.  It really doesn't matter where, what matters is that you go with the flow and believe you are just where you are suppose to be.   

Defining Mom Moments….

My mother was my biggest cheerleader and there were times she was my coach and catalyst. The day before my wedding, I cried to my mom (and cussed and pouted) as I had planned a beautiful outdoor reception and the weather forecast was 100% chance of pouring rain.

My pity party lasted for five minutes until my mom did what she did best, snapped me out of it and pushed me to rise to the occasion and SHOW UP. "Pamela, you will dictate the day.  If you show up upset, your guests will feel the same. If you show up with a great attitude, then your guests will too. It is up to you and you need to get over it and enjoy your day, regardless of the weather."

It was a record rainfall day in Boston, to this day, none of us had seen so much rain.

It was not the day I planned, but it was a day of great celebration.  I embraced it with abandon (because of my mom's pep talk) with a smile on my face, and a conviction in my heart to lead the day, and make it the best party and celebration.

We all had so much fun despite the puddles of water and muddy shoes. This is one of my favorite pictures.  Here I am dancing with the band, completely fired up, having fun, being me and dancing in rain!

(picture is my mom holding my baby girl in the hospital: confident, wise, and loving) 

You will know what to do….

Another Defining Mom Moment.

Motherhood:
I gave birth to my first baby, Kaili. The day we were to be released from the hospital, the doctor discovered a heart murmur (VSD). They did not know how serious it was and discharged me but told me to watch for any signs or symptoms.

At home, my in-laws were there preparing dinner and doting over this new baby. I ran upstairs to call my mom. I was so afraid, so scared that I could not take care of her, or if something happened with the heart murmur, I wouldn't know what to do--so of course I cried to my mom, saying, "But I'm afraid of her and that I won't be able to take care of her."

Mom listened. Mom let me cry.

Mom said it's okay.

Once I was done, Mom's soft voice strengthened and she said "Pamela, you WILL KNOW EXACTLY what to do,.  You are her mother and you WILL KNOW.  She needs you, and I know you, you will be fine and you CAN DO THIS."

Once again, my coach had to help me release all fear and find my confidence and faith.

She reminded me I was not alone, that God wouldn't give me anything I couldn't handle and to get downstairs and take the best care of that baby that she knew I could.

Jolted with confidence and calm, I went downstairs and took on the challenge.

Fortunately, her VSD healed itself and those early years of motherhood, while a challenge, are such a fond memory and some of the best memories I have.   

The Loss of my Mother

I can't believe we had to let go, we will no longer be holding hands, the hand that held me the first day I was born, that held me as an infant, baby, toddler, child, teen, young woman, mom….   I don't want to let go, I want to hold on forever, while I can't hold your hand, I will hold you in my heart forever.  My heart aches.  I feel sick.  I want to cry.  I want to scream.  I want to get mad at God.  I think I am mad at God.  It is not fair.  Cancer Sucks.  Why her?  Why my family?  I am so sad.  I can't picture life without her.  She was nice to everyone.  She was so kind.  She was the best mom.  She was not a bitch.  She deserves better.  I miss her so much.  I can't believe this.  It seems unreal.

My feelings are raw.  I feel numb.  I want to be numb.  I also know that I need to balance this sadness and awful heavy hearted-feeling with some hope, peace, and gratitude.  I am grateful she did not suffer long.  As Mom would say and did say, it could be worse.  I am glad she lived until she was 76--I am glad she is with my dad.  I am thankful for having such an incredible mom.  I am grateful for eternal life and that her spirit is with me.  I am grateful she is at peace.  I am grateful she is with God.  I am grateful she is soaring with Dad.  I am grateful for my family.  I am grateful for a mother's love--it is so strong it lives on forever.

I will hold you in my heart forever Mom.  You are the most precious, kind, and beautiful woman in my life.  My greatest teacher is you.  I love you.

Deeply saddened by the loss of my mom--as a writer I decided to write my own remembrance.  Even though my oldest brother will have the honor of her eulogy, I needed to write my own, to express myself, and to share her story in my own way.  

Born and raised in Boston, Jane's roots are very local and it is this Boston Irish Catholic heritage that is the foundation of her life.  

Daughter of John & Agnes McLaughlin, Jane was described as a delightful daughter, talented at art, and as sweet and petite as could be.

She was adored sister of brothers, Tom "Fire Dog" McLaughlin and the late Johnnie McLaughin--she cherished her brothers and her sister in love, Judy. 

At the young age of 15, Jane met the love of her life, the handsome, clean cut and charismatic George Mellor who swept her off her feet at a young age.  Jane & George were a love story, and as my dad would say, his life began the day he met my mom.    

Jane left college where she majored in teaching to become Mrs. George Mellor and they moved to Dover Fox Croft Maine where George was stationed in the Air Force.   Nine month later Jane would give birth to her first son George, and then would come Kevin, Michelle, Susan then Pamela.  Five babies in six years, this woman was born to breed.  She had no greater pride than her Mellor babies and her animal instinct and nature is motherhood, babies, parenting, and love.     
Jane was a woman of devotion, commitment, courage, and share grit.  Her early years of motherhood were spent overseas with the Berlin wall in her sight--it was a scary time, and she went to lengths of bundling her baby boys in snow suits as her heat and electricity were shut off due to the conflicts--her raw maternal instincts kicked in and she created her own game of survivor.  

Coming home to the states would prove to be promising, as she would give birth to three daughters which would make her young family complete.   While they had an incredibly blessed life, a massive heart attack that George suffered would be a set back, but with Jane's grit and dad's will to live they created their own come back.   Once again, the theme of devotion, commitment, courage, and grit would grace their lives as they raised their family and put family at the center of everything in their lives.

Growing up Mellor was gift.  

While they were humble in so many ways, and financially challenged, values, lessons, humor, and heart were the constant parts of daily life as a Mellor.  Mom loved being a mom.  She would share stories of how she would line five pairs of shoes up on the kitchen counter, polished, and ready for church or a family gathering.  All our friends loved coming to our house.  It was comfortable, welcoming, and depending on the season had the scent of apples & cinnamon, balsam fur, fresh spring air, or the familiar scent of "Off" candles in summer.  Seasons were a big deal in our home, and holidays even more.  Jane changed her curtains more than some people change their underwear--you could count on curtains for back to school, Halloween, football season, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentines, Easter, Flag Day, Memorial Day and Fourth of July,.  It was one big fireworks of celebration in our home, even if it was through decor' and curtains!  

The funny part is the curtains might be seen on the Mellor girls months later as a shirt, matching ones no less.  Janie was the original "do it your selfer" and also a Jane of all trades.  She could make curtains, costumes for plays, bake (and if she did not have time, she was not ashamed to buy), she could rig the washer machine with a sock rather than call a plumber.  She could empty the trash cans in the the trash truck (because the rubbish men might be afraid of a few bee's swarming around).  Once again, devotion, commitment, courage, and sheer grit play out again and again in her life.

Mom's biggest legacy and greatest love is her family.   

Not only was she a devoted wife, she was a loving mother and loving grandmother--she has no greater pride than her babies.  Her five children and her other five children that they married (so much love there too) and of course, her 10 grandchildren and one great-grandchild are the pride and joy of her life.   While she loved every minute of raising her kids, it is her grandkids that gave her the greatest joy these past few decades:  Brianna, Rorrie, Bryce, McKenzie, Christian, McKayla, Shelby, Kelsey, Kaili, Cameron, and Colby.  

Jane's heart & home expanded beyond the walls of her home and family, as she worked for over 30 years in the Rockland Public Schools where she helped students learn to read, and more importantly, she made them feel special.  Not every student had the gift of a mother like ours, but she brought that gift of love to their lives through teaching and loving them during the school day and in the community.  She cherished her friendships, enjoying her breakfast club, hosting neighbors for her annual Christmas Coffee and all the laughs and good times they shared.   She lit up every room she walked into, be it a classroom, living room, or function room.  

Jane loved art, reading, writing poetry, and the beach. She was creative with art and talented with words--she even wrote and illustrated a book we hope to share some day "White Feathers from Heaven."  She loved to celebrate others and would either draw, write, or come up with a clever poem for a friend or co-worker.  She had such a gift in making others feel special and like the most important person in the world.  In our world, she is our most important person, and while she leaves us on earth, she will live in our hearts forever.  Her greatest example is very simple and something she expected from each one of her kids, to be Kind.  Be kind to others, be cheerful, be friendly, and always think of the positive side and find gratitude in everything.   Her legacy and spirit will live on for decades, because she wants nothing more than to see her babies and grandbabies soar in life.  

While Jane has joined the love of her life in Heaven, she will remain in our hearts forever.  She will be the lights on the tree, the smell of flowers in spring, the warm summer breeze, the chill in the autumn air and the Angelicsnowflakes of winter.  We love you Mom and Nanny and promise to always be humble, kind, loving, and to live out our days with your grace, love, devotion, cheerfulness and strength.   #mellorstrong 

 

As mother's day approaches this weekend, I can't help but reflect on the meaning of motherhood and the tremendous emotion that comes with it.
It occurred to me that childhood is a short season, and we as moms know (and say all the time) it is going by way too fast.  There are days I want to freeze them, and I have said this over and over.  When they are little the days are long, as they grow, the years fly by.  The innocence of childhood, and how truly fast it goes by when you watch children grow into teens and then young adults, "in the blink of an eye" and "just like that".  If I had a do over (I would not change a ton) but what I would do is slow down more and embrace the present moment.  We never get those times back, those beautiful faces and beautiful places they take us.  As a mom, I rushed a lot, trying to juggle it all and keep it together. There were days I was in auto-pilot, and there were days I put work and home aside, and just focused on them.  Those are my most cherished memories.  I can get choked up thinking about how this time has flown by, how my kids are now teenagers, and think, how did that happen.  My two oldest are taller than me and my baby is getting there.  I am enjoying that he has not gone through puberty just yet, so I am loving and "taking in" his "still a boy" looks and antics.

As I reflected on this this morning, I had a revelation that Childhood is a short season that goes by too fast, but Motherhood lasts our entire lives.  I am convinced there is no other love like a mother's love.  I would literally do anything for my babies, anything, and I know you would too.  I think of my mom, and the years and years of her putting her family first.  Even as we left the nest, she never stopped loving, caring, worrying, and encouraging us as we grew, spread our wings, and created and built our own nests.  While I watch my mom towards the end of her life, she still does and says things to protect us, and even though she is struggling each day with her health and the unknown, she protects us and is making decisions that she believes is best for all of us.  We never stop being a Mother, and my mom tells me that all the time.   I am learning to embrace new milestones, and that they are becoming more independent. 

Admittedly it is hard for me, part of me does not want to let go, I want to hang on, nurture, protect, guide and love.  The logical part of me and truly what I do want is to raise my children to grow up and become independent, it will be important for them to make decisions, experience new adventures and take on those next phases of life.  So while their childhood is fading away, my motherhood is ever more present and it is a different kind of role and a different set of joys and worries.   My intention for the teenage years is to be present, to be available, to be there, to not miss out on these important years which I will never get back.  This feeling, this strong love, this bond will always be with me and will always be with my children.  While I am blessed with a husband that is an incredible dad, his role helps me be a better mom.  A question I always ask myself when it comes to business and the pull between work and family is this:  "will it matter in 5 to 10 years?"

I know I will never regret making the decisions to be there, be available and be present.  There will always be times I will miss games or performances but most importantly, a consistent feeling of being there is a feeling that brings so much peace, connection and fulfillment in my life.