From Alcohol to Alchemy!

The Story is not going End this Way....

I have written my own life story, meaning, I have created most every opportunity and changed the circumstance, from getting myself into college after being told by my guidance councilor I was not college material, to climbing the corporate ladder to building successful businesses but most importantly, to finally finding a man that matched my commitment (oh the heart ache prior to that) and the life we built together. It has been such a good story, and one I am so grateful for as I reflect on life and sharing my lessons along the way.... I share this from a place of story telling, it is my story, and the intent is to inspire others, to take ownership of their life, be it a situation, big picture or the small thing that is on your heart and mind, but you can’t even articulate or deal with, which at times can be denial, deflection or distance, awareness but not quite ready to deal….. There are times we are completely motivated to create change and/or opportunity, that we are on fire and unstoppable, I know that space well too, I know both sides of this thing, the ability to create more, but also, the need to change, grow and evolve, it is a balance of the two…. We are the ones we are waiting for, and when we come from that place of ownership and leadership, that is where the magic happens, but it is important that we realize we don’t (and should not) do it alone, there are people, leaders, mentors, communities all along the way (but we have to want it, and be willing to be the catalyst for change).

Suffice it to say, I had to create every opportunity along the way, and I had to work harder, longer and stronger than many of my compatriots (or at least that is how I felt at times, being financially independent and no one saying, here you go, let me help you with this) . Had I not followed my heart (also defined as Desire) at each of these life stages (young adulthood, all of my 20's and into my 30's my life would look very very different). I worked so hard all along the way, to the point, it became exhausting, and thankfully I changed that too, and in my 40's found a sense of balance, wellness like I have never known before, and this brought happiness and peace, hence: Living HIPP (in that life stage I changed my relationship with Alcohol and it became so limited, but I still had work to do, and I knew that in my heart). It was more than Alcohol, it was everything, but the wellness choices also included being honest with myself and Alcohol, and changing my relationship with it. Life disruption happens, and in that, so does stress/anxiety, and it’s taxing impact on our mental health and well being (so I unknowingly put myself in a space of stress as it relates to business/finances and all the work I had invested in my career, I was back to what I was doing my first year as a business owner, not a good place to be, and quite honestly a huge step backwards…. Let me take you back to my story after creating living HIPP, writing the book, living it and taking a chance on something, only to learn that I was not prepared for being blind sided (without going into detail, I can share that I was looked at as a competitor as opposed to a colleague, and the ramifications and behavior in that were damaging, to me, my mental health, my leadership and future (knocked down, and not much help getting back up, it is a lonely place to be).

So back to my story…..

I took a chance on myself and a new business, and while there has been many good things, overall, it was a very challenging time both professionally and personally…. Life would hit me HARD with a business change that cost a lot financially and mentally, and losing my Mom and sick in-laws and then losing them, I unravelled, and in that felt depressed, the personal loss on top of the stress business and some unfair things, made me go from thrive to survive mode, it’s not a great place to be. I also fell back on some old coping habits that no longer served me, and drinking became a thing again, while it is not the big dramatic scene we want to believe, it is often a quiet struggle, and a knowing that it makes you feel like shit, those 3am wake up calls are brutal, as is the night sweats that we blame on menopause, oh, and on that topic, why are we not talking about Alcohol and it’s negative impact on Menopause, it needs to be said, so there, I said it! The truth for me was this….. I knew that alcohol was always going to be a thing for me until I walked away for good, it does not get better, even if you temporarily prove it does, it will always come back and show you and prove to you how it makes you feel. I now know that, and I now have freedom from it, and I no longer have FOMO, in fact, I have JOMO, I genuinely and sincerely am so Happy and so Free without it. At times it did not seem that bad or I didn't seem that bad, and picturing my life without it just felt too hard, or like I was missing out and I did not want to become "Sober Sally" she is the Karen of Sobriety, I didn't want her life, because mine is far better and that was yet another thing that turned me off..... Updated to say, I actually have a friend Sally and she is Sober, that is not the Sober Sally, I reference this lightly, because I admire most Sober Sally’s, just not the Karen’s, they exist everywhere, just not in recovery circles. Like all communities, industries, groups or circles, there are people you like and those that you don’t, we need to discern and be aware of our vision and values and align with those that vibe with us, I had to sort through this world of Recovery and Sobriety (btw, I don’t use sober as I just don’t like the word, I am a word snob in general, so AF is more in line with how I approach this, no right or wrongs, just my preference). If “sober” is your word of choice, awesome, it does not matter, what does matter is that you live better, and from all accounts, living better actually is a reduction or removal of alcohol depending on where you are. I had to navigate the world of Direct Sales this way too, I did not want to be part of it and I certainly did not want to be the Salsey Suzie, the one that is chasing you down in the grocery store to buy her product and today’s version of her is on line constantly selling her products, when in fact, you just scroll by because you don’t care about a sales promotion (hint, people don’t want to be sold something, they want to buy you). Yep, things are not always what they appear to be, and sometimes we need to put our preconceived notions aside, and also realize you don’t have to be like Sally or Suzie, you can be you, and you can take what you want and leave the rest, and that is exactly what I did in the process of becoming Alcohol Free (or free from Alcohol as that is the ultimate goal) and I also rebranded my own experience and my own brand within the DS industry, because there was so much to it that was good, and I needed to tap into that, and do so authentically and with a spirit of living better. Both of these areas, while different hold so much in common, and that is getting past the negative image or thoughts and breaking through misconceptions to the transformation, and life changing results that are both positive and make life better, I found both to serve more positive than negative in my life, and it is the ability to discern and allow your vision and values to guide you, and to put everything else into perspective, which is such a grounded space to learn and grow. I also had my adversity, challenges, success and failures along the way, that is part of it, it is life, it is hard and it is part of the journey to greatness (which is defined by you and for you). In Living HIPP, I chose best practices from both business, recovery and my own personal experience in my 30 year career in Live & Leadership and created a framework to help busy women go from busy to balanced, and from exhausted to energized, all while building a life (and business) they love. I don’t care about what business you are in or even if you started your own business, because what we need to make sure is happening, is that we are in the business of you, and the business of you is the foundation we build, that helps you live better, think better, choose better, and become more balanced (yes, a family first approach to life, which is about building your life, and allowing your business/work to fuel that).

In my AF journey, I saw this to be different, I knew in my heart I wanted different, I would voice it in groups, and have been doing this since about 2011 or 2012--I just did not know how to not fall into the traditional world of recovery or the misconceptions I had and/or the people that I don't want to be like (lets face it, they are everywhere). Also, my husband drinks and his drinking was a trigger for me, that was a big mountain I had to learn how to navigate, climb and create my own path, a trail where I had to step into my own power, change the rules, set the boundaries and do so in a way that was about me and not about him. This is not unusual, in fact, a lot of married couples deal with this sort of thing, it is not about drinking necessarily, but it is about the things we deal with, and let me be clear, we ALL deal with the things. I believe a lot of couples deal with this, and it is not a big problem and we will do anything to make it not a problem (drinking) that we dance around the topic, and the conversations and struggle is secret, yet we prioritize it in our lives (at least that is what I did, and what many people do, it is everywhere and it seems to be the secret glue that we think holds it all together, but in fact, it is the gooey mess that we are stuck to, and we can’t seem to get unstuck, until we actually do). This is BTS truth in so many marriages or relationships, yet, we don’t go there, because we think it will look bad, so we imply that the image of our drinking is fun, happy, spirited when in fact that is just on the surface, the truth deep down inside is that it sucks, it eventually sucks the life out of us, in the most quiet, insignificant way (until someone begins to have bigger problems which can present in other ways that we continue to just skirt by and ignore)…. I love the festivities, I love the rituals of raising a glass, I love the laid back attitude and good time cheer, I still experience all of this, I just do so without alcohol, because I realized it damages my spirit, when all along I thought it was fueling it, it was adding gas to the fire within….

This marriage stuff is still a work in progress for me, we are in a good place, but clearly I still have my moments when people are drinking too much and I just have no interest in being part of it or around it --late night is not my vibe and I often plan my exit, and always have my exit plan, the introvert part of me needs this, as does my spirit, because mornings are sacred to me, and each morning is magical, when you no longer drink Alcohol. On the other hand, people having drinks does not bother me, I actually like it when it is chill, I like the ritual, and I have my fancy glass or cool can (yep, for me it is about the experience, and I want all in when I want all in, just hold the ethanol thank you very much). I love the vibe, that is what I create around me. I did not die, I just no longer drink because it is not all cracked up to be what we (I) have been buying into for years, I know, how stupid to think it makes us more fun, sexy, alive and cool. It might feel fun to begin (yes, lets be honest) but it is not that cool and it is far from sexy, it actually makes people look like shit, but let me stop here, because no one wants to or needs to remind us of that. When I removed alcohol, I became alive like never before, I finally accepted that the only way I live well is AF (period end), and I am grateful to be in this space, I did work hard to get here, much like my hard work in life/work: getting out of debt, buying homes/selling homes, turning a house into a home, building businesses, raising babies, creating a close knit family & team culture, dealing with mental health (oh yeah, that is the reason why so many women drink, the MH we all have be it anxiety, ADHD, depression, and mix that with middle age (40's/50's) it is quite the hormone disrupter, the one we don't talk about. While I am AF, my life is not, and that is where I learn to co-exist, and that to me is understanding people can still enjoy it, have fun with it, and their story is, in fact, their story (at one time I really liked it, so who am I to judge or to say otherwise)…. Anyway, I had to get out of the drinking cycle once again (which on the outside did not look bad, was not a big story of bad things happening like what we expect needs to happen, no, it was a quiet conversation in my head, and I knew it had to change, either I had to change or it was going to change me, for better or for worst, and the latter was not an option, so it finally clicked and I am in the space I always wanted to be in, and that is being the most authentic version of myself, and she is AF, and that is the greatest space to come from, I am truly me. I do want to speak loudly about the negative impact Alcohol has on Mental Health (btw, we all have MH), it depresses us, makes us more anxious and it’s impact is progressive, I used to drink years ago to self medicate my anxiety, I did not realize it made me more anxious, and my body had the wisdom, and I just had to hear the lesson, make change, and to it again and again until I learned to think differently, so often times it is not our drinking, it is our thinking (this is not about the rock bottom drinking problem, this about the woman at middle age (40/50’s+) that wakes up in the middle of the night, or wakes up feeling groggy/gross and says she’ll do better or take a break only to be back at wine o’clock the next night or a few nights later, rinse/repeat, rinse/repeat (hint: not age specific of gender specific but this is my HIPP audience)—it is not just drinking, for some it is other habits that do not make our life better, but Alcohol is the one we don’t talk about until after the problem, so how about we socialize it a bit more, and begin to look at this from wellness choice, and not a social norm, because it is killing us.

I “should” have a decade or more, but that is not how it worked for me, and that is why I don’t like a black/white model and I don’t believe in a linear approach, it typically does not work that way. I believe I progress, I believe in education, I believe in AF as a wellness choice, I believe in taking a break, I believe in the AF30 (the way I started over a decade ago, but I have since called it that), and adding those up to reach 100 days and on (this is what many do, many programs and I infuse it with what I have done in business, and goal setting and also transformational change (offerings with Living HIPP), I also have a vetted list of programs in this space that I recommend, and many of which that helped me from courses, to coaching to communities, this will be downloadable from my site at www.livinghipp.com.

I got really good at taking breaks, I actually made it less important in my life, but what I had to do was to walk away from it, and in that, I would find Freedom. This work no longer was the physical work, it was not the process (which I strongly believe in a system and steps) I had to shift my mind, and it had to be subconscious thinking (I had to rewire my brain around Alcohol and it’s truth). “I no longer drink anymore”, I was finally ready to say it, and for me, it had to be that next step, and in this statement, became me speaking my truth, owning my story and these few words gave me so much power, and in this declaration, I found freedom. I have not arrived, and I will continue to make this a priority in my life, because Alcohol is not just a behavior, habit or ritual, it is an addictive substance, one that alters the brains chemistry, and I no longer wanted it in my body, and at mid life and in my Second Act, it is the greatest form of Self Love and Self Care a woman can give herself (if she wakes up at 3am and/or relies on her wine to relax but it actually is causing havoc). Most people feel this way, but we just don’t accept the truth of it, and we work hard to keep it in our lives, I know, because I did, until I learned more, and kept at it, and eventually completely changed my relationship with it, and in doing so, in this way, and through living HIPP (and other resources) I went from Alcohol to Alchemy, a place of freedom, a place of living, and a place of discovering the magic within me, and that is without Alcohol (full stop)!

The End which was the New Beginning….

The story was not going to end that way.... What that mean't was that I knew what would happen if I went back into the drinking cycle, and while I could convince myself "I wasn't that bad at times", the truth was that I was so close to it getting worst, and I knew it in my soul. I was walking on the edge, and the paths were so obvious to me, and the drinking path I knew would lead me to insanity (doing the same thing over when you expect a different result—that is the definition of insanity, many know it intimately, we are just not quite ready to claim it and own it), with underlying MH, my brain needed to be clear and free from a substance that F's it up, and the exhaustion of the drinking cycle was not fun, I literally felt like shit, why would I do this to myself. Likewise, with young adult kids, my vision for my life was very clear, and being a Mom that is present, fun, engaging, and reliable, that version of me is AF, because the drinking me could be a liability, and from what I have seen, it only gets worst, and that was and is not how I am going to write my story. No fucking way is my story going to end that way, it is going to begin, and it is going to be beautiful and based in wellness, not in regret (HELL to the NO)!!!!!!! My Vision led the way, as did my Values and all the work, nothing was wasted, it was just a Path forward, and the Framework for Living HIPP became my Framework to many areas in my life, one that I am able to live AF and today, commit to it (it is no longer a decision, it is just how I live, and it is a priority in my life, therefore I speak about it and share it, because it is important, and it is a key to living well, and the more we speak about that truth, the more shifts we can make).

My hard work in life looks so different than it did in my 20's/30's, today, my hard work is on myself, now much of it is actually enjoyable (hello Yoga and daily practices of HIPP), but also it requires consistency, it requires honesty, it requires humility, it requires daily habits and it requires sometimes feeling left out or different, even thou I know in my heart it is best and I am so much better.... Leadership can be lonely, I am leading in Lifestyle right now, and I have chosen a path (and blazed a trail) which is not taken by most, and even those on it, don’t think or see what I choose to, and I infuse it all with Living HIPP, it is not just about drinking, it is about LIVING, and creating a LIFE you LOVE, I am Pam Guyer and I am your YOLO Instructor, You Only Live Once (while that is Big Yes Energy), sometimes and most often it requires NO, lets reframe it, you only live once, why on God’s earth would you spend it hung over, buzzed and not present or living with shame, regret and beating yourself for drinking more than you said you would….. F that….. You don’t have to quit, but how about you become more confident in your own skin, more radiant in your own vibe and you become bold enough to not care about fitting in, because you were born to stand out!

In another post I will share the Vision I have for my life, and the one I have had for a decade, and I am living it, I am her....

I am a woman of grace, I am present, I am free, I am clear, I am whole and I am that Mom, the one my kids are so proud of while they have their drinks and are in that stage of life, in every social situation, they look on the menu for me "Mom, they have Mocktails" and we have a lot of fun, still share in "good cheer". We laugh, and of course, I sing, dance and do all the crazy things I do because that is me, and it is me straight up, no buzz needed, just pure expression, pure fun and no longer needing the help of alcohol is pure magic, it is the biggest power play, and it can take time to get there…. It is no longer Alcohol in my way, it is Alchemy as the Way, and I will continue to share my story, in the hopes that I can help you write yours. It is not about the Alcohol, but when we remove it or cut back on it (to begin) we open up space for so much more, more joy, more freedom, more realness, more authenticity, more grace, more love and hope and most importantly, more Peace!!!!

BTW, to be clear, this is not about just removing Alcohol, I see people do it, and they are focused on fixing, F That! In recovery and living a life of personal growth, we do need to grow, heal, recover, be self aware (and sometimes deal straight on) but also, we can focus on gratitude, our vision, our values and lead with love and not fear, and that is exactly what we do in Living HIPP.

I have had this pull in my heart I am suppose to do more, share my voice with the world, and while I do some of that in my writing, I have not created that, YET (in the way I feel I am suppose to). I only want to do so if I am genuinely helping others, and I have had to allow that to just be a result of my hard work in this way, and believe that will come to be, when it is mean't to be...

In this process of letting go (meaning no longer trying to keep alcohol in my life in some way) I have truly opened up space for contentment, freedom and this knowing, this knowing deep in my soul that I am doing the work, I am doing it daily and I am prepared to continue to live a great life, one that is Happy, Peaceful, Purposeful and Fulfilling, things I have known, but to know it in this way and finally feel on the other side of Alcohol is Alchemy.... Yes, from Alcohol to Alchemy, that is my journey, that is my mantra (if you know me, you know I have many) and this journey is not just for me, it is for all of us). The work that I do is about Vision, I have been doing this work for decades, and it has shaped my life in big ways, and it can shape yours too. When we let go of the argument in our heads (man do I know that tug of war pretty well and I wasted precious energy on it), we allow space for Discovery, what I like to replace Recovery with, because it is not about punishment, it is all about empowerment (that is how I live my life and have lived it way before Alcohol was a thing in my life).

So for those struggling, perhaps it is time to shift the focus on your Vision, what is it that you want your life to look like, how do you look, how do you feel, what are you doing and how and with who are you doing it with?

Perhaps you have time or momentum but still experiencing FOMO, that is okay and normal, keep building that JOMO spirit within--this is all about a Spirit you are cultivating, it is a shift in energy and focus. The Vision work is important, and as one builds time, it truly opens up space for the GOOD, the good being the things you want to do, the way you want to feel, the sense of purpose you have and aligning that with your Soul, it is such great work. You might not feel this yet, and that is okay, this is never about trying to fix anything or thinking what is wrong with me, I don't feel that hope or peace.... Hope & Peace come from clarity, it is clearing out the space in our heads and hearts for more goodness, and that typically is created through gratitude (yes, a consistent daily practice over and over and over again).

These are all shifts, they are always shifts, they are not a destination, they are a way of living.... It requires choosing you, it requires choosing to see the light, it requires living a life force energy of love and not fear (while allowing ourselves to have all the feelings, because we do, and that is okay).....

What is your story, and based on the path (actually what you are doing, and the role alcohol plays in your life) what are you writing and creating and manifesting? What If....

What if it could look different? What if you allowed yourself to truly make this change, and make it for good (even if you don't feel like it is forever, you never have to say that by the way)....

What if you open up to the possibility, and just do the work. The work is not sexy, it is not easy, it is not joyful and it is most often not fun.... However, in the work you will feel sexy at times, you will feel joy, you will have fun, but that will be alongside the challenges of creating change, and doing life differently....

I would not spend time writing this, on a Saturday morning, as I sip my coffee and listen to Norah Jones, in my home which I created and was part of the Vision....

I have my hard days (not alcohol related, just life related) but they are 1000% better and also I can do anything I want in the world, anything, the only thing I cannot do is drink alcohol, because if I were to drink (which I have zero interest) it would take away, and I would not be able to do all the things, and be all the things I am mean't to be!

TY for coming to my Ted Talk, I hope these words land on the right people, be it someone trying to stop drinking, or maybe you stopped but you just need to live, and come alive with a positive heart and spirit. Open your heart to all that is possible, and believe in more, sometimes that requires us to do less, what is your less?