Dry January and a 30-Day Break is a Beginning

There are different schools of thought around Dry January, and I think there is valid information in all schools of thought, but I think it is important to respect various points of view. I am sharing my POV because I have my own feelings around this topic, and I am sensitive not everyone thinks this way and that is okay. There are so many options, programs, ways of thinking out there, no one is wrong, it is about finding what is right for you.

In traditional recovery circles or those rooted from this that are now more flexible and open minded, there is this inherent thinking and dare I say shaming that exits and this is not a recovery issue, I believe it is a personal growth one. There are many leaders in this space that paved the way beyond a 12 step program, I thank them all, and I am grateful as they spoke to my heart, as I began my journey in this space. I have to say, that recovery has traditionally been dogmatic, and we are trying to get away from that, and also, it is important to realize that the old ways are not necessarily the best ways. I believe all programs and people have merit and they work for the people that relate and vibe with them. I actually like and rely on learning from everyone, and I can say that every single leader and voice in this space is someone I have learned from, and I thank them for that. I also had to find my own way, but I could not do it alone. I feel like I came in the back door with recovery because I was already immersed in personal development, my entire professional career (30 years now) was dedicated to Leadership & Personal Development and Training, so speaking, writing, and practicing this in both business and in life is what I have done and have focused on all while being a Mom and raising a family. There were times when I felt like I was drinking too much or I wanted to cut back and I did, but any traditional programs or linear thinking/shame sent me running for the hills, it actually worked against my ability to embrace all of it. I learned to take what I want and leave the rest but still, I had moments of thinking, I like my life better, because I was not trying to escape my life, I was trying to learn how to cope with Anxiety, ADHD, stress, motherhood and PTSD (which I did not know then, but I know now).

I believe respecting all Paths and that one size doesn’t fit all is prudent and necessary in Recovery, as is an open mind, compassion, and understanding different people need different things.

Let's get one fact straight and out of the way, Sober is Better. While I do not use the word Sober (because I don’t like it, if I like it down the road I will, but I have not liked it for myself for over a decade). I think most would agree, and they just used it because it is the only word really, and for many it is a badge of honor, as it should be.

I am not new to this scene, in fact, when I started this journey, Dry January was not a thing. In some circles I might be considered the biggest loser, because I resisted different parts of this and with that, slips and going back, this took me longer to grasp. To be honest, I did not love all aspects of it, and I still don’t, but I have let go of all of that, I take lessons and wisdom and have blazed my own trail. Living HIPP was created 12 years ago, back in 2009/10 when I got into Yoga and changed my relationship with Alcohol. For the first time in my adult life, I put myself first and I prioritized mind/body/spirit. While I had taken breaks from drinking, and got to the point where I was so limited and mindful, that worked until it didn’t (here is the thing, it was something I would need to deal with down the road, and that is what happened when I went through major change and loss). My journey was a dance, it was a 2 step, it was back and forth and while I don’t recommend it, I can also say I am glad I did begin what I call “Discovery”, because had I not, I would have had a serious Rock Bottom, I don’t doubt that one bit, that is just the way this works.

While living HIPP is more than drinking, it is about living a Happy, Inspired, Productive and Peaceful Life (why on God’s earth would we not want that or think that is not possible, it is and it is how I have lived and created so much in my life. Happy is not this state of everything is great, it is a choice in life, and life is hard, but we can choose to create our happy daily, and that is what I have been working on all this time. I was so excited a decade ago when I wrote the book Living HIPP, because I thought I could teach the world how to be happier, kinder, and to live with empowerment and intention as opposed to shame and oppression. What I did not know is the person who would need it most a few years later was me, when life blew up, and I had to climb out of the situation I found myself in, and navigate years of significant loss, it is part of life at middle age when losing our parents. All that to say I used drinking again to calm the nerves, to sooth the pain, and to cover up the depression and anxiety I found I was experiencing. I was not a big problem drinker, in fact, I was fun and also did not seem that bad, I would just over drink at times, but I knew it was holding me back, and at middle age, my body was not handling it as it did when I was younger.

I had tried different communities, some of which I loved and some I did not care for, and I was resistant yet hopeful, I did not like how the camps were so separate and also some recovery people or programs focused on the problems rather than focused on the vision and values (all while healing what needs to be healed). I began to see that my HIPP life had a formula (and being AF was part of it) and it wasn’t until I made it part of my foundation that I truly found freedom. Today, I feel freedom because I walked away for good and I just don’t drink Alcohol anymore, but I do insist on fun, I insist on inclusion and I insist on writing my own story, my own rules because while it is awkward at first, and it is damn hard work, it also does not need to be punitive. While I am an extrovert and introvert (and my introvert used to love the social lubrication), once I learned how to soothe myself and be socially, I insist on being included and having fun. I am AF but my life is not, and therefore I look at this and experience it through a different lense. I would imagine if things got worst (and I know eventually that is where I or anyone would end up) that I might think differently, but I sure as hell am not going to be silent or told that this is the way “sobriety” is done and be treated like the new kid on the block. I am not the new kid, I have been here all along, I have been here longer than many on line right now, and to be clear, I take this seriously because I have been around Alcohol Addiction my entire life. My Dad was “recovered” as they said back then, but basically, he was in Recovery and helped many people through AA which was the only option back then. My brother is almost 40 years Sober, 40 flipping years, and he does not say that or act better than anyone else, he reminds people that talk with him that we are all in the same day, it is all about the day and the choice (with compassion and humility as opposed to ranking more years sober). Longevity is important, but it does not qualify a person to think they have it all figured out, none of us do. Likewise, I observe people and having done this work, recovery in a different form, we all have room to grow. I believe when we truly love ourselves, we don’t judge others, we don’t shame others, we don’t need to be better than others. We just need to do what is best for us and so be it, that is it. It is okay to have preferences, I know I sure do. People in my life that I care about drink, I don’t judge them and I don’t think I am any better, far from it, I just ask them to accept me for me and I accept them for them and we can both leave shame out of our space and lift each other up, we can also raise a glass together. Friend can have alcohol in theirs, and I can have my festive drink without Alcohol, inclusion and integration are important to me, because it is my life and when I used to drink, I did not want to be told what to do and how to be, in fact, I still don’t.

I made my mistakes and I made good choices and while my only regret is that this did not click sooner, that is okay, because now I am sharing even more, opening up more space for the conversation of Discovery, which is normalizing looking at our drinking or cutting back or removing as a wellness choice. One leader in this space used these words that helped me “This is Your Thing”, and while I did not want it to be years ago, the fact is, it was and it was always going to be and it was a matter of both acceptance but more importantly to me, freedom. The reason being I am happiest now, I truly feel in my 2.0 (higher version) and this is the only way). I don’t need to shame others or think my way or the highway…. I just need to do what we all need to do whether or not we are drinking, I need to change my thinking. I also need to use my voice as a another voice added to the empowerment of better living, and I don’t replace anyone’s voice, I just add my own. There is enough room for everyone and quite frankly, the more people that embrace AF be it Dry Jan, or the others, the more we can educate and begin to change how to live. I am not anti-alcohol, in fact, I still serve it in my home with guests (and I have no shame in that). I changed my relationship with it to feel better and live better, not to focus on everything that is wrong with me, that in my opinion is what is wrong with some recovery circles but perhaps it isn’t wrong, perhaps it is just different. I choose to focus on my vision and align that with my values, I focus on being me, present, clear, vibrant and happy, and to heal the parts of me that need to be nurtured. I have learned that mental health and restoration and self care are and have to be a priority in my life (and I would argue every woman’s life).

I think what might be helpful too for some doing Dry January or taking a 30 day break is to stop thinking how hard this is (which is normal) and waiting for that drink on the 1st of the month. Think about how good it is, learn more about what it does to your body, learn ways to replace drinking with another way to calm your nervous system, let this be your time to change how you live, and see how it feels to wake up each morning without Alcohol in your body, and the better sleep, better skin, better patience, better focus, better productivity and time. It is hard and that is normal, but beyond the hard, look for the heart shots, they are everywhere.

I created a lifestyle brand 12 years ago that address looking at what you consume, and Alcohol and the reduction or removal was part of that. I can tell you all these years later that it is in fact the secret to my HIPP Life, and the only way I can truly show up as I want. You might not be there yet, and that is okay. I cannot emphasize this enough that this is a process, and we can’t be in our sober towers looking down thinking everyone needs to make it happen overnight and that it is black and white (it is life and death for many, but lets meet people where they are at). Perhaps take that message to some but not all. They are not there yet, we can only share (and share our stories, they are real), but my story (and God willing it won’t be) is not one that I am going to scream to the world to get into Recovery, stop drinking and that is the only way. Nope, I don’t think that helps people unless they have tried. I say try, I say take a break, I say discover, I say learn more, I say pay attention to how you feel, really, and I encourage some books and Podcasts. Now, someone that has some momentum and has built time and/or some trying again and they want to be AF, my tone is not as liberal and my conviction is even more…. At this point, I encourage that the work is no longer taking a break, it is the break away, it is breaking up with Alcohol which is making less important in your life. I also explain that it is the best decision, and when you approach it in an empowered way as opposed to a punitive way, you break free.

Living HIPP encourages 30 day breaks. Obviously, we all say, walk away for good, that is best case scenario, but for many, it takes a few tries and the sooner you get this and embrace empowerment and not torture the sooner you can begin to live an even HIPPER Life.