No Shame in This Game! Part 2

Recovery, it is not what you think it is, and why I consider it Discovery and applicable to many.

Hell No, I don’t want to attend a meeting or be part of a Recovery community, I’m not that bad, and I am not that bad, that is for someone that has hit a big rock bottom. I don’t want to be one of those people, I want to be fun, fit in, and if I don’t drink, I won’t be that fun person. Many of us can relate to this truth we don’t say, but many of us think (or live by or believe). At least, I have had those thoughts, and I have seen so many people say, do and live the same way, unknowingly living a lie around the truth about alcohol or addictive behaviors.

I am talking about this because it is truth, and a topic and area that is misunderstood, similar but different from my career in Direct Sales. I am not a person that “got sober” or has been sober for the last decade, but for the last decade I have looked at my relationship with alcohol, and have drastically changed my relationship with it, which was a process and not over night. I have been part of recovery communities for the past decade, some I like, others I don’t and I have learned to take what I like and need and leave the rest (much like we need to do in many situations in life). Recovery and the process (lets discuss alcohol) is a spectrum, it is not this or that, it is a process, a journey and requires self awareness, education, habit changes, acceptance, and also, having discernment, exposing yourself to things that lift you, and don’t bring you down (this has been my experience, and how I came to create my own tracks to run on. Today, I don’t drink, and have no interest in going back, but I did this in my own way, on my own terms, and also did not do it alone, I learned from others, I took what I liked, and I left out what I did not like and created my own Recovery which is Discovery, Living HIPP. This is a process, it is personal and it is not black and white for everyone so I want to shine a light on the grey (and how I influenced my process with personal development, vision, creation and healing). I know many of you drank much more than you wanted to during Covid, and while perhaps some of it was fun, comforting, etc… too much of it is far from fun, far from comforting, and you are in your head, thinking WTF is wrong with me (many have that conversation in their head on a Sunday morning, and while we say we will change, we go back to the cycle which gets exhausting). There is nothing wrong with you, it is just our society and we don’t talk about Alcohol for what it really is, it is toxic (yes it is fun, yes it can be medicinal, yes it can be social), but it also damages us, slowly, temporarily (until we over do it again) and it just is a cycle of frustration & exhaustion for some. So, if this is you, don’t be afraid to reach out, you don’t have to quit, you don’t have to have shame, you don’t have to do anything, but be brave enough to explore it, ask for help and perhaps learn more. I am convinced if we have this conversation more, than more people would look at this like we look at food, and all the things we over do in our lives. Now there are some that could take it or leave it, I am not talking about you, I am also not talking about the person that is already in recovery, I am talking about the person who is in their head “I should cut back, I should take a break, or waking up feeling like shit”, know you are not alone. I tried to avoid this area and the recovery circles because some of it, I just don’t like. However, what I have learned and what I do like is the wisdom of people, the humility, honesty and example, it is compelling and it is social proof, you can and will get there some day, if you decide that is what you want and desire.

I think food & alcohol are the biggest “things” for people in their way to cope, over do it (we all have our thing), but also for some it is work, spending, but I don’t see those as damaging to how you feel in body/mind/spirit (however, for some it is, it is really about the individual and their own experience).

We don’t want to be labeled, I sure don’t and my response to it is you don’t have to. I always felt something was missing and what I learned is that it is a process, and progress over perfection is the spirit that works best for me and for many. We avoid all this because we don’t want to be here, and for some, it is a big rock bottom and they end up here as a result. It does not have to be, and that was not my experience at all, but if I did not create change, made progress, asked for help, I would have been led down a path where things got worst, and that is what happens.

The irony, at one point in my life the thought or idea of no longer drinking or being able to imbibe was depressing, I did not want to make this change and I also did not want to join any anonymous groups or label myself. So I didn’t…. I will share more on my own journey another time, but this post is about doing the unpopular thing and how our opinions and stereotypes can get in the way of truth and/or of creating what we actually want. Much like Direct Sales (see post #1 No Shame in This Game) as I write about my reluctant start with Direct Sales, and how the industry proved to be a positive thing in my life. I battled with the stereotype and stigma, and learned to let go of that, and see the opportunity and truth and to run with it. I believe in anything we do, we need to find our own voice and our authenticity. Likewise, we need to take what we want or like and discard the rest. In my DS business, I learned a lot about mindset, it has changed my life and many others in such a positive way. I believe the Recovery community could use more of it, and while some groups are black/white and right/wrong, many look at vision, and steps to make improvements in your life. Both areas share that quality, but it can be uncomfortable because it is an art, and it takes a quiet confidence to be willing to step into a system or school of thought, which might be outside of what you are accustomed to. It is becoming more accepted and truth be told, we are all recovering from something (it will always be that way), as that is life and that is growth. Some more than others, but having a positive alignment and process is what I have chosen on both paths, these paths chose me, I certainly would not have chosen these paths.

I also created my own path of Recovery, and with Living HIPP, it is the process of discovery and recovery and is a continuous lifestyle and way of being. For me, I am 100% AF, and God willing I have no desire to go back. It took me time to shift, and I want to say that is okay, and rather than respond and/or recover, why aren’t we talking about discovery, and lets give people the opportunity to cut down, cut back, take a break and for many to realize they are better off without and then to truly become FREE of the grip alcohol has on many of us (I’m talking about many drinkers, the many many people I know that can’t live without it). Do they all need to quit? I don’t know, and what I do know is many don’t want to “get sober”, I surely did not, but what I did want was to feel my best, to be free from the cycle of off/on and the reality of how addictive alcohol really is, I was bamboozled big time, and that is what I want to share. Also, I want to open up Discovery (Living HIPP) to everyone, even reducing is better than pretending, and I think in order to normalize this, we need to be more honest with the process, and that it is a personal journey for everyone, and people can create their own patchwork (as the Founder of She Recovers shares so compassionately).

In these two blog posts, I am speaking up about two areas that were hard for me to integrate into. I had my own bias, I had my own stigma and I really did not want to do either, until I figured out a way of doing it in an positive, curated and authentic way. This all comes down to a bigger topic beyond the industry or beyond recovery, it is about how we have the power to lift each other up, support one another, try something out, and ease in, without labels, without putting others down, without shaming or blaming. There is so much shame attached to this, and I want to lead others (and everyone) from shame to shine. Let’s shine a light on this and lets help each other shine.