The Other Side of Fear

Life is the greatest teacher and such a beautiful space of growth, grief, love and fear. Celebrating our First Date and where we are now, it is so rich, and once again, one of my life defining moments of Hopes & Dreams hidden behind Fear and the Unknown. The time I finally said “yes” to my friend Mike who aggressively insisted I go on a date with his friend Charlie. It was out of my comfort zone, I did not want to go, I did this as a favor to Mike, not knowing it was a blessing to me.

Pam 28 Years Ago:

29 years old, love life DOA (break up/heartache)

Grieving, sudden loss of my Dad the year before, Sad

Living at my Mom's in law apartment, being her companion

Commuting into Boston, 3 hours in car round trip

Working at Deaconess Hospital, Recruiter & getting Masters

Got out of all the Debt I accumulated, saving $ for future

Driving a GEO (economy car), because my sports car was a financial disaster

Working hard all week, going to school in the evening (2 jobs)

Party Girl on the weekend, no Talbots Dresses allowed! :)

Pam Today, 28 years later:

Married, Pam, you are going to marry this dude!

Mom of 3, Pam, you are going to have the most amazing kids, a daughter you will adore and two sons that you will own your heart forever

Pam, you are going to move to North Shore, and all your hard work getting out of debt and then saving, will be the down payment to owning a home.

You will build 3 homes and renovate one, your home will be the place you do what you love, design, create, be cozy, and host your family & friends

You will be a stay at home mom, and realize, you need something for you. You will start a business in DS reluctantly, and create more success than you can imagine. It will be the vehicle in which you grow & discover your purpose. You begin to inspire others with your Vision, your Voice and teach and lead many. You were and are meant for more.

You will experience business challenges, and learn how to begin again. You will learn to find your voice as a Mom, and you will live in a community you have always dreamed of, you will travel the world. You will learn how to create success in business and family, you learned how to thrive on systems, routines, and building out a team--you will learn the importance of support and removing the image of "doing it all", you write a different story, and are unapologetic about creating the rules and not following them. You will have AuPairs that become daughters, you will have friends that become family, you will care deeply for others, which is being true to you, love will continue to lead the way. Love is at the essence of who you are and what you do. You will heal old wounds, you will see past experiences as Trauma--you will grow as a woman, professionally, personally and you will not abandon who you are and where you came from—you understand the value, and you create a masterpiece with that and who you are becoming, it is the best of both worlds. You will use it as part of your foundation, and your values will be your North Star, that and your Vision. You will transform at different stages and mid life will become your playground to discover and explore. You will discover Yoga in your 40's, and completely go from workaholic to seeking balance and peace. You will crave this balance & peace as foundation in your life, you realize it is important to who you are and how you live.

Your spirit is vital and it is the one thing that you know intimately, you will brand it, write a book about it and you will inspire others to create a Happy, Inspired, Productive and Peaceful Life. At mid age you will begin shedding layers of doing and you will give birth more to being. You will bravely address mental health, and realize it is something we all need to review and accommodate. You will struggle with over doing everything from drinking, eating, working, thinking and this will begin a process of discovery for you--you will open your heart to recovery, but you will rewrite the rules for you and others without tearing down what works for many. As a middle age woman, you will have experienced various levels of anxiety, ADHD, addiction and depression (it is a spectrum and you insist we acknowledge we are all on the spectrum and we address it proactively, as part of women’s health and leadership--you will ask for help, you will lead your discovery of learning more, accommodation and refuse to focus on just your challenges, you know the power of belief, mindset, vision and routine and rituals. You merge recovery with your years of personal development and you also create a space and movement called “Discovery”, you invite all women and people into the important process of self assessment, self care, self love and self aware, you speak your truth with the desire to inspire more, heal more and recover more space, and rewrite the story and level the playing field on topics that are tabu and need a spotlight shined on them, in a very inclusive way that encourages progress over perfection.

You begin to share more, and talk about the things we don't talk about, not because you want to, because you have to. Creating a life you love or happiness is not a grand place as described by some who just have not had the depths of Joy that you have. It is okay to have both, you know the valley well, and it is the peaks and the climb that get you out of it, that is the vision, hopes and dreams too. You learn that life does not happen to us, it happens for us, even in the situations we just can't bare or explain, we need to accept that and also that life is hard, but it is also so very beautiful and joyful. You become passionate not only about home but also working from home. You value flexibility, family time and this becomes the value that needs to be part of your work and life--you inspire others to create this and also to create a Vision for their lives, based on their hopes, dreams and discontents. You do this over and over, and at mid life, you have a better view and legit experience. You manifest many dreams and they do come true, you also have to navigate more difficult times including the loss of your precious mom and your beloved Bumpa's, and your dog Brady. You are a dog person now, you used to be afraid of dogs, but now you are crazy about them, you now focus on your cockapoo's, and enjoy a beautiful life with them on WBL. You have the most incredible relationships with your kids, as a family you are #goals, not because you are lucky, but because you and your husband will create that as a team, you will mess up but you will also put family at the core of everything you do, the investment will pay off tenfold. Your kids have the life you wanted so badly for them to have, they will have the same love and values that you grew up with, and a loving home. They will have the opportunities that you didn't and with courage, you will rewrite the story of your family and your life. Aside from your family, your greatest accomplishment out of all that you have created or done is becoming Alcohol Free. While it did not happen over night, because it did not seem "that bad", you knew in your heart it had to change, and you went long periods AF, until it clicked, and you proudly claimed, "I don't drink anymore". This is not easy in our culture, society and in your marriage and family/social life. You learned you could not do this alone, you also learned to once again, create your own path which honors your past, it does not shame it. Let's face it, you had some fun all those years. You knew the truth and you knew your best life and best self was AF and with the help of your sister and her example, you finally walked away from that elixir you occasionally danced with (and obsessed over) to choose Freedom, now you are inspiring others on their journey of better living. You insist on fun, you insist on inclusion and also no shame for anyone, lets all raise a glass together! BTS you heal, you also nurture your soul, the introvert in you that needs solitude, down time, healing and exhaling. Restoration and Retreats become part of your lifestyle, and you literally go from Bar Crawl 28 years ago, to Spa Crawl today, you give yourself a monthly Spa visit as a way to celebrate this hard work but no longer hard, it is just happy, kind, loving work. You are not the same girl you were 28 years ago, and you are growing with her, and nurturing her like never before. You laugh even more, get sillier and just let your spirit soar. You learned to cultivate the spirit without spirits and it is such a joyful, soulful, spirited and happy way of life (and yes, you still get mad and bring the fire, you are the fire)!

You are simple, yet you love nice things, you crave luxe experiences, and you balance simplicity with special moments. Your taste is still exquisite but your heart equally appreciates simplicity. At 28 you were all about the brands, and while you still love your brands, you have far more appreciation for Personal Brand, you care more about who a person is and how they treat others, that is how you value people and this is what separates you from the crowd, you lead your life with love, and you discern who you associate with in doing the same.

You are living your dream, and you and your husband did live out the dream of living by the water--it is a wonderful life in Beverly Farms, the ocean calms your nerves and it soothes your soul. You learn to go where the love is in all things, the people, the places and the sights & sounds that feel good and are good calm the mind and soothe the soul.

You experience all the hardship over the years, and experienced both success and failure in work and in life. At mid life, you choose you. You are stronger than you have ever been, and more clear on who you are, your value and not everyone will be in your circle, you are wise about your circle and trust your instincts like never before. You rise and remain unapologetic & authentic in your brand--you grow your personal brand, but on your own terms and authentically, you are whole, the imperfect and the vibrant one, you embrace the light and the dark.

You realize that you have been the one that you have been waiting for. This message is important and one that you are compelled to share and inspire in others. Speaking of which.... We are not competing with each other, we actually are more powerful when we collaborate and lift each other up, that is the spirit of HIPP! Women standing up for each other.

We all need to grow, heal and ignite the spirit within (HIPP) to create this. You will become the woman you visualized you would be. A woman aging gracefully, who radiates a timeless inner beauty, that becomes an invitation for another woman to do the same. You are self made, but not alone. You are incredibly caring, but not naive. You are vulnerable but you are also strong and brave. You feel both grounded and at times messy, you seek balance and peace. You are the leader and creator, you also need to be cared for and guided. You are spiritual and enlightened, your intuition and spirit is your gift. You are passionate, and that brings out the best and sometimes worst in you, you are letting go and building boundaries like never before. You are the example for many, because you are both vulnerable and vibrant, and you inspire others to tap into their magic and essence too!

28 years.

This is not just my story, it is our story. We all have our untold story, we all have our fears and anxieties, our challenges and our moments that we think we might break.

We also have an incredible strength and a spirit inside of us that will lead us, it will direct us, it will help us navigate the flow of life. If I have learned anything it is this…

Don’t settle for allowing life to just happen, and being on the sideline in fear or in waiting for things to work out in your favor. Be the author of your story and know that you already have everything you need to live an amazing life. Lead with Love, embrace fear (acknowledge it but don’t feed it) and while you create a life you love, take your humor with you, it is all about knowing when to be serious, and when to allow in the fun. Laughing and smiles are priceless, build a life where you can do that, because there will be times that you just can’t, and that is life, both incredibly beautiful but also hard, it is all of it, and you are the light which will lead the way.