The COVID 15

I have joked about the COVID 15, the 15, 10, or 5 pounds that many of us have gained during the months of being home, not as active and eating or drinking more than we normally do.   I would argue the majority feel this way, perhaps silently or even so sharing our woes of how we put on those extra pounds.   Let's be clear, there are major issues far more important when it comes to this virus, so in no way does this compare to the real challenges, so let's remove that thought, and get into what is weighing on (literally) people’s minds, including my own.  

I find it interesting that many women don’t talk about weight and/or their is shame in having the conversation (or the concern about body image and the example we are setting).  I agree, it is a sensitive topic, one in which we need to be aware of, but let's be real, and let's be completely honest….  Women and their weight is a big topic, it is a daily thought, feeling, or action for so many women, some even so subconsciously (even the thin/fit/whole food eating ones, they, in fact, obsess about it at some time in their life).    This blog started out as a place of inspiration, motivation, and all things HIPP.  At the time I started the book & blog, I was in a really good place, and my mind/body/spirit were aligned with where I needed to be and this became a lifestyle for me (one of transformation, balance, authenticity, and aspiration).  At my core, I love to inspire others, I love to look at the possibilities, I love to get people dreaming, casting vision and becoming the architects of their lives, it is who I am, what I do, and what I love to inspire and teach. What I realized in the process (when life happens) is that in order to inspire, you need to be real, you need to share the truth, and while it is uncomfortable and includes topics that are not so inspiring, it is important to share, and to be transparent, because that is what people relate to, and living HIPP is the intersection of who you are (strengths & weakness) and who you want to be (vision & personal development/goals).  I am going to admit, I have become annoyed by the facade out there, the sites upon sites that are going to teach you, inspire you, and share only a curated image of life.  Now, I realize we all love the fancy pictures (um hello they are on my site), but when the words lack the truth, only some of us can see right through that.  An example I will use (and I am not bashing her) is Rachel Hollis.  I give her enormous credit for the brand and business she has built, it truly is amazing.  While I admire a lot of what she has done and how “she does it all”, I had this feeling it was a facade, I even shared with my girlfriend that I don’t think it’s real, there is something off about her husband (which I have always thought he was a tool, and I felt such a visceral bad feeling seeing them market themselves as the “it” couple, no thank you)  I could not believe people were paying money for their advice.  

I call BS on the lifestyle staging on line, because I know behind the scenes there is chaos, self-doubt, comparison, and personal challenges that are being hidden by busyness, achievement, knowing it all, and doing it all (ouch, truth).  I understand this, because how can you be an expert, and attract others when you are not “all that and a bag of chips”.  But as I shared in my book written almost a decade ago, the problem is, many of us (my people) want to eat the whole fucking bag of chips.  Truth (and humor)!   I am a “woman empowering woman" sort of girl, I love cheering others on, it feels weird and against that belief to “call out the BS on the internet and entrepreneurship high ways” of women sharing how great their life is and how important their services are, and they charge a premium when in fact their rates far exceed their expertise and real earned experience.  So, let me be gentle too, let me applaud those brave enough to put their stake in the ground, and share their voice.  It takes courage, and it takes dedication, and I love nothing more to see a woman shine her light.   I can’t preach on this anymore, but what I can do is be real, and share the “real real”, and while most of the sites and sounds are all that and a bag of chips, I am going to delve into said bag, and tell you what I do, what I struggle with but also how I always survive and on some days and seasons, thrive!

OOPS, I did it again!  Yep, COVID came, yoga stopped and I leaned on food for comfort and just let go of my routine of self-care.  Yes, I have had a few self-care days here and there, but my routine of living mindfully (living HIPP) went by the wayside, for far too long.

And I ask, why why why did I let myself go here, get here and let it get this far (15 pounds over my comfort level).  Yes, I realize I am not huge, but 15 pounds more on a petite body feels awful (so it is all relative my friends).   

I had a few day ones, eat well, even for the day, but by Monday afternoon/evening I am eating crunchy salty chips mindlessly (“WTF is wrong with me”).  Yep, that is how it goes until it finally clicks.  
My husband reminds me that when I get to a point like this, not exercising, not motivated, I just am not myself and not feeling my best.  This is not a great place because my baseline (underlying all of my tools) is depression/anxiety and other challenges like ADD, etc…. Now not to go all psych on you, I don’t like to deal with these topics, I want to bury them, hide them, I don’t want them attached to me.  The work I need to do is to be more accepting and to treat myself like I would treat you if you told me you experienced some depression or anxiety—I would understand, be compassionate, and think you were courageous and brave to share that with me.  I believe most women experience various levels, and we hide behind food, alcohol, shopping, socializing, work, busyness, and things that help us deter from the feelings, thoughts, and real stuff going on.  

Anxiety is more prevalent for me, I live with it daily, and it seems manageable.  What I don’t fully know how to deal with is depression, because it is not always there, it will out of the blue (or after periods of challenge, like COVID) come on, and I just feel blah, not motivated, sad or at times paralyzed to some degree.  I am thankful I don’t get this way often, but it is there, and I am somehow learning to accept it, and live with it.  I share this with you because I am not the girl that does it all, has it all together, and brings home the bacon and cooks it too!    If you see me shining and loving life, it’s real, it’s genuine, but also know that I work hard behind the scenes, and there are times I struggle behind the scenes, and the work I do is charting and course-correcting at times, some days are great, while others are a challenge, I am sure many of you can relate to this as it is not unique to me, but it is the truth on the other side of being a strong woman, being confident, being happy (I would argue being vulnerable shows even more strength and humility).  

I am the girl that somehow has managed to achieve a lot in spite of living with anxiety, ADD, and an addictive personality—I want an Olympic medal!!!! :)  So this summer, I am going to be honest, I am not feeling my best.  Yes, I write a blog around Living HIPP: Happy, Inspired, Passionate, Peaceful and truth be told, I am feeling the opposite in some ways, but isn’t that real, and isn’t that life, and isn’t that how many of us live (it’s not all rainbows & unicorns even thou I have those moments and days too)?   I can’t erase it, I can’t just pretend all is great, I can’t bury my feelings, I can’t run from it, but what I can do, and what I always do is that I start somewhere.  I actually have been working hard on some of this for the past few months, not losing weight but on being with myself, my feelings, and doing some internal work.   I have more work to do and I am finally ready to cast my vision, set my goals, and work on this (which usually takes a few setbacks which I am hoping I already have had), this is how it goes.  I need to start where I am. Simple Steps daily and for me, it is based on diet, exercise, and a positive mindset.  Mind/Body/Spirit is the cornerstone of my wellbeing (and our wellbeing).  

I wrote this blog post to share some of what is happening behind the scenes and mostly for any of you that are feeling the same way, or struggle with some of these things.   Life is about Seasons, some are incredible, we are at the top of our game, we are feeling good, productive, fit, and at peace.   Some seasons bring storms, storms that we either create or ones that we have no control over, and for some of us, we are weakened by the storm, we let our vulnerabilities have their voice, and we hunker down until the storm passes.   You can’t truly shine your light until you go through the storm, I am living that lesson and learning that lesson over and over.  

So my biggest achievements are not ones you can take pictures of, and certainly not ones that make me look like the “IT” girl.  No, no no no, that is not me.  I am fighting battles silently, but not just fighting, I am conquering as well, it is a bit of both.  I am also waking up each day with gratitude, looking at the beauty around me, laughing each day, dancing in my car or kitchen and I am dancing with the wolves (these feelings and thoughts that can scare me and bring me down).    It is all of it….
If any of this resonates with you, here is my advice:
—Know you are enough and know you can do anything
—Ask for help and/or don’t try and do it all alone
—Practice Gratitude: write down 5 things a day
—Exercise Daily (yes and eat good food, trust me)!
—Take action, rest is important, but make sure you are productive and/or active first (activity heals)
— Pray, Meditate or journal, it helps to process your thoughts

So, there you have it.  I shared with you what is weighing me down these days.  It is not just the weight, it is acknowledging that it is a season for me (and for many of us) that has been a challenge (and yes, some blessings too).  So, like anything in life, when I find myself stuck, I create my plan, I cast a vision, write down my goals, and plan my daily steps.  Some days I crush it and other days I don’t, but what I do know for sure, is to keep going, keep with it, and never ever ever give up!   XO