New Friends and Middle Age

A few years back, I was not thinking about adding new friends or thinking friendships would change in my life, I felt grateful to be surrounded by good friends and many of which I don’t see that often, but they are just a phone call, text or funny meme away. There are people that I pick up right where I left off, and there are decades in our friendship, I adore these people. Lifetime friends are precious, and these relationships can bring you right back to the younger you, it is amazing how so much time goes by, yet you can still go back to that teen memory, college memory or twenty something memory, and the laughter, connection and spirit all come back, it is a beautiful thing and I so love this and these people in my life.

We create friendships along the way, some are great ones that endure, and others will come to an end, it is just life, and I think what is most important to us all to remember is this…. Surround yourself with the people that genuinely are there for you, in good times and bad, and that have your back and equally, you have their back too (which means enduring all the times together, the good, the bad and the ugly, with hopes & dreams of more good). Likewise, go where the energy is, and where the love is, you will know it, you just have to trust your gut, your feelings and base it on the truth: who is there for you, because of you, not because of what you can do or have done (friendship is not fleeting, it is like family, and that is why your circle is so important as are your choices). I say it to my kids constantly, and to all of you “surround yourself with the good ones, the ones that truly are there, that are true blue (genuinely there and authentically good people) they are the givers and caring ones, they want the best for you, and you feel the same about them”. This is such an important life lesson because who we spend our time with matters, as does the quality of the person, my circle gets smaller as I age and I really like that, because it is genuine, and my people match my energy (meaning they are equally committed, caring, trustworthy, supportive as I am in a relationship, therefore, we discern who we spend our time with, for it is precious). My downside is that I let time go by, and I don’t reach out as much as I should to the many people I don’t spend as much time with, but their friendship and life is important to me, so we don’t always have time together, but their value and importance in my life is strong (how many of those people do you have in your life, I love “love”, my thoughts about people and their light is a vibe, and it is that vibe that is also part of my virtual friendship circle, it is there, it is just not a daily thing, but it does exist in my heart).

While my professional life and my personal life blend quite a bit in my friendships, I value having space outside of my professional life with my friendships and relationships, and that helps me feel grounded, and private which is good for someone that shares publicly, on line is just a snap shot and highlight reel, the BTS is much more deeper, richer and real. I love when relationships foster through business, I have some lifelong friendships because of that, and it’s important, to me, they need to go beyond a brand, a company or a personal interest because that is friendship, and that is authentic to me. If I like you, I like you, if I don’t, I don’t, and the latter truly is not something I spend time on, because I just want to see the best in others, and to surround myself with genuine, caring, loving people (it is very simple, and that is all values driven).

I am writing this post and a brief love letter about a dear friend that I met in my 50’s, I was not looking for her, but she landed in my life, and we have the most beautiful, close, empowering, authentic, positive friendship, so unexpected, but so divine and part of the plan. Her name is Lisa, but I have a nickname for her that I will refer to as LL in this post, her life is private, so I want to honor that but also I want to honor her, and this beautiful friendship, and I hope that this can inspire you to know that there are people in your life that you have not even met yet, that will become important in your life, and to know that as you get better (personal growth) you are in a place to create more of this, and it is genuine, not based on anything, just based on love (and laughter, having fun in the ordinary moments of life). I met LL when we moved to our Coastal Home on WBL in Beverly Farms, a coastal village north of Boston, this move was close to where we raised the family, and Charlie and I joined 5 other families as we built new homes on a exclusive and small lane-- our next phase of empty nesting, and a new chapter of life. At the time (4 years ago), in my mind, I had all the friends I needed, I was surrounded by love, and in moving to a new community and local place, I was not looking for new friendship, I just wanted to like my neighbors, and be around good people (while I am an extrovert in appearance, I have some serious introvert in me, and I like my space, I also like privacy, which again, professionally I am not private, but personally and at heart, I am). LL and I hit it off when we met, she moved in a few months before me, but there was something about her I liked, but it wasn’t any different from the rest of my neighbors, because I liked them all, phew, good people, a private small lane filled with good people, the box had been checked. After moving in, any time we gathered, LL and I would find ourselves connecting, chatting, and there was this sense of sisterhood, I could not explain, but I felt it each time. Later I would learn that our values are similar, family, as mom’s, caring/kind spirit, home/decor, coastal living, humor (we laughed at the same things) so my humor and heart clicked with hers, that is the most simple way to describe it. While we are close in age, her kids are older, she got an earlier start on starting her family, so for me, it is a great influence, because she has been through my parenting stages, and is on to that next phase of married kids with children, it is beautiful to see. At this point, our kids and each others families are like family, so not only have we created this beautiful friendship, but we also have extended our family, because it is just who we are as people, and to me, it is a great blessing and something so unexpected in my life. While LL is a great example for me raising young adult children, she shares that my vision/spirit/leadership is a positive influence on her, she dedicated her life to her family, and now it is her time to not only be there for them, but to discover more of her. I love being on this journey with her, because she is such an incredibly talented, beautiful soul that has so much to share, I can’t wait to see that continue to unfold and manifest more in her life. We have all the conversations about life, we have the deep conversations that are meaningful and thought provoking, we have the “you can’t make this stuff up” banter, we have the encouraging words for one another or we will be the voice of reason, and more often than not, we laugh, we laugh at each other, with each other, and for me, I am that silly girl, that same girl and friend I have been since growing up on Moncrief Road, now I just bounce down the road to my friends house as a grown woman, and also bring my juvenile spirit with me, that spirit has been part of every meaningful friendship and relationship I have had, it is the essence of me.

Mel Robbins will often talk about making friends at Middle Age, and I never thought about it, until she spoke about it. I then thought of my own personal experience and would agree, and confidently can say, “there are people that you have not even met yet, that will become an important part of you life and special friends.

The laughter, while we talk serious life issues, we are there to both lift each other up, and release some steam or get things off our shoulders, we walk together (literally and figuratively in life). We have our own lives, but we are in each others corner, either in big ways, or the small things that are just that, small things. We dream together, but we also just talk about the simple not so important things which to me is grounded, and a great balance of real life, we most definitely keep it real, and we laugh quite a bit, it is so sincere and genuine.

There was a time I was going through a challenge, and LL was able to look at the situation objectively, and see an entire conversation and communication and remind me of this “Pam, that is not a friend, a friend does not say that or do that”. I knew it in my heart, but to hear that flat out, and to have someone speak wisdom to me that I was not listening to from others that have given me this advice before was impactful. I was ready to hear it, and I believed it too. That is just one small example but a big one when it came to my own decisions and choices of who I allow in my close circle of friendship, meaning close friendships that are like family. It all makes sense to me now, sometimes we want to believe in more, but honestly, your heart and gut already know who is in your corner, who genuinely cares for you, and each and every one of us deserve that and nothing less. This vibe is and has been my foundation my entire life, it is how I am built, it is the family I came from, it is the family I built, it is many friendships I have had over the years, it is important to me and therefore, it is okay that not everyone is in the circle and/or not all friendships are life long, because some are only mean’t for seasons and some are part of your life, as many of my life long friends are just that, life long friends. I can be grateful for all, and I can also be grateful to continue on my path and walking with those that truly are on the journey with me, as I am with them (that is a beautiful thing, and that is divine in every way).

My dear friend LL not only became a bestie, but she taught me even more about friendship, she came at a time I thought I had all the friends I needed, and she taught me that not all friendships are mean’t to be, and it was not just her speaking this, it was truth staring me in the face, and this made things more clear, and while not easy, in the end, better (my little girl Pam had a moment with wiser Pam, and we both agreed that I no longer had to please everyone, and I no longer had to accept anything less than love and loyalty in friendship and life). I think BTS (behind the scenes) friends are the best, and she is one of them, in fact, most of the key people in my life are BTS, my family, my friends (many of which I don’t always see, but they are there). We don’t have the SM fake laugh pics, we have the BTS, LMAO moments and those are priceless. As a SM personality and brand, I get the pics, I do them (pose in a brilliant and creative way), I share life on line, and I say this from a space of it’s okay to share the highlights, but let's be clear, they are highlights. The real reel is the good juju that happens when no one is looking, and it is the genuine relationships built on vision and values and values being most important in this equation. LL is a special person, she cares deeply, is loving and will do anything for anyone, I am one of those lucky ones, and I think she knows she can expect the same from me. When God puts people like this in front of you or on your path, invite them in, know they are mean’t for you and that you get to decide who gets your heart, your energy, your love and your laughter, it is a gift, and in friendship, it is shared mutually. As friendships change, and I look to myself and look at what kind of friend I am to a person, admittedly, I think, I am terrible at keeping in touch with my long distance friends, I don’t always return a text or want to do things in groups all the time (I way prefer small intimate conversations), I also have good intentions of getting together, albeit to get sucked into my own life, and daily routine…. However, one thing I know to my core is that I am a good friend, I am there for the people I love (friends and family) and I am loyal, I will be in your corner, I will cheer you on, I will show up when no one else will, and I will hold your hand, your heart, your body while you need me. I will say the tough thing, but I will do so with love, and will admit when I am wrong, and apologize and move forward. As a middle aged woman, I can say I am not the perfect friend (because I am far from perfect) but I am the genuine, loving, caring and fierce friend, and that is a gift that I hold dearly in my heart. I have had a lifetime of both good friendships and not so good friendships (or have experienced women not so kind, friendly or good to me, it hurts and it sucks) but I have learned that has nothing to do with me, and that is no longer my problem (a decade ago I wanted to change this and everyone, but that is now not my stance). I just want to lock arms with, bothy physically and virtually, with women that are positive (genuinely and sincerely) in making their lives better, being good to each other and raising the vibe of those around us all while growing personally (and professionally if we are in business).

To think each decade of my life “Friendship” has had both a positive an negative tone to me because I have had both the good and not so good experiences…. Here is the good news…. We choose who we surround ourselves with. We choose how we spend our time, we choose authenticity and relationships which are not forced by brands, WIFM or all the other inauthentic vibes that are not timeless and do not work for women that truly crave genuine, happy, real, simple and loving attributes and people, when you know, you know!

You have not even met some of the people in your life that will become your people and you dearest of friends, how cool is that? You also are invited to reach out to those you love and remind them of why you love them (you know the friends that are life long that you adore), and you get to walk away from people that perhaps you care about, but perhaps it is time to move on, because moving on is truly what is mean’t for you.

Friendship is not based on anything (IMHO) than heart and mutual respect, it is in that you discover more of who you engage with, do life with and in that, God will send the people that are mean’t for you, and he will also remind you of who is not. Listen, follow your heart, and continue to follow this simple mantra and way to live “go where the love is”.

Let me say it again…. Go Where the Love Is, that is where you belong, and you belong, my darling, you belong right here! XO